Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
i'm heartbroken/torn-apart/foolish/weak.
i went out with my mummy today. she bought a lot of thing for me. she wasn't hesitant to buy the thing i wanted. i saw two lovely blazer, i wanted to choose between the both of them but mummy bought both for me. i love you. and i really do.
whatever i say, whatever i do, wherever i go. i think of you.i remember the promises you made when i was eating and i feel like tearing. i miss you so much and dialed the 8 numbers. when i first hear your voice my heart sank because i know things aren't going to be the same. i didn't dare to say hello and there goes the call.
everything is over...
It’s either because I’m too strong to let something like this make me cry or it’s because I’m too weak to admit to myself that I am hurt. and i believe it's the latter
i went out with my mummy today. she bought a lot of thing for me. she wasn't hesitant to buy the thing i wanted. i saw two lovely blazer, i wanted to choose between the both of them but mummy bought both for me. i love you. and i really do.
whatever i say, whatever i do, wherever i go. i think of you.i remember the promises you made when i was eating and i feel like tearing. i miss you so much and dialed the 8 numbers. when i first hear your voice my heart sank because i know things aren't going to be the same. i didn't dare to say hello and there goes the call.
everything is over...
It’s either because I’m too strong to let something like this make me cry or it’s because I’m too weak to admit to myself that I am hurt. and i believe it's the latter
Saturday, February 6, 2010
small details make up a big picture.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce." I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I avoided her question.
This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted, "You are not a man!" That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.
The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had occupied my mind for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very quickly as I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I simply ignored her and turned over and fell asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions - she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she asked for something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.
When I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions, she laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce," she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any bodily contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped and said behind us, "Daddy is holding Mommy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Don't tell our son about the divorce." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown bigger." I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry Mom out."
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand hung over my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."
I drove to the office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore."
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" she asked. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart."
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up the stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
I knew how her heart could not bear to hear my last words now. I still carried her, my last one... this time with my wretched heart.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce." I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I avoided her question.
This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted, "You are not a man!" That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.
The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had occupied my mind for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very quickly as I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I simply ignored her and turned over and fell asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions - she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she asked for something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.
When I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions, she laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce," she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any bodily contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped and said behind us, "Daddy is holding Mommy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Don't tell our son about the divorce." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown bigger." I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry Mom out."
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand hung over my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."
I drove to the office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore."
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" she asked. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart."
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up the stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
I knew how her heart could not bear to hear my last words now. I still carried her, my last one... this time with my wretched heart.
your unfamiliar love.
you seriously pissed me off. not only do i feel that im not appreciated, i also feel that everything is on the verge of breaking. i was holding on to it hoping that things will get better but your attitude seriously pissed me off. while i'm typing this, i wanted so much to swear but i promised god i'll not swear anymore.
everyone has emotions not only you. you are not the only one that feel despair and upset. i do feel despair and upset. the way you treat me is far to overboard. the more you treat me like this, the more i'm giving up on you. it's not like i'm not trying. even though i'm in a camp, i tried my best to make you happier. do you know that i had so much to tell you, to inspire you? but you disappointed me again and i end up not wanting to tell you anything anymore.
I can't comprehend why do you do the things that you know it's wrong. you even reprimanded your friends about it and yet you are doing it. you asked me to give you a chance. 2 years ago you promised you won't do it anymore and now you are again. how do you expect me to trust you?
sorry don't help. a sad face does not allow me to comprehend why you behave like this and make me forgive you. you love yourself, not me.
for those who do not know anything, shut your mouth and stop commenting about this. If you know what's karma, think twice before you say anything. damn it.
everyone has emotions not only you. you are not the only one that feel despair and upset. i do feel despair and upset. the way you treat me is far to overboard. the more you treat me like this, the more i'm giving up on you. it's not like i'm not trying. even though i'm in a camp, i tried my best to make you happier. do you know that i had so much to tell you, to inspire you? but you disappointed me again and i end up not wanting to tell you anything anymore.
I can't comprehend why do you do the things that you know it's wrong. you even reprimanded your friends about it and yet you are doing it. you asked me to give you a chance. 2 years ago you promised you won't do it anymore and now you are again. how do you expect me to trust you?
sorry don't help. a sad face does not allow me to comprehend why you behave like this and make me forgive you. you love yourself, not me.
for those who do not know anything, shut your mouth and stop commenting about this. If you know what's karma, think twice before you say anything. damn it.
JJCIAN,og09. 10s28
JJ night is the best. one word for the camp: awesome.
when that comes out from me (someone who does not enjoy camp) you should know how awesome that camp is:)
when that comes out from me (someone who does not enjoy camp) you should know how awesome that camp is:)
Monday, February 1, 2010
today i put on the watch you gave with emotions gushing up.
most of the time i blamed god for all the problems i met. but today i thank god for everything. you let me learn, grow from my mistakes.
JC life is not going to be ok,fine,easy,smooth sailing. trust me. It's only the second day of mass lectures and we are studying like o level is in one month already. but i'll make all these worthwhile. just give me two years, i'll make this two years the best out of my life. with god, everything is possible.
most of the time i blamed god for all the problems i met. but today i thank god for everything. you let me learn, grow from my mistakes.
JC life is not going to be ok,fine,easy,smooth sailing. trust me. It's only the second day of mass lectures and we are studying like o level is in one month already. but i'll make all these worthwhile. just give me two years, i'll make this two years the best out of my life. with god, everything is possible.
cry me out
every girl wants this guy who is crazily in love with her. think it's blissful to travel hours just to see them for a minute. Having her as everything. with her around all the pain will be remove. Wipe her tears away whenever she crys and rush down to the her house and stay by her bed whenever she's sick. Hold on to her hands and told her,' i never want to let it go. ' Give her everything he can and make her feel like a lil princess. Send her long messages every night to thank her for the things that happened for the day. Make her feel secure with and without his presence. a long list of things to go on.
but i just need you to be happy. smile to me, let me know that everything is worth it. Be there for me to lean on/ fall back on whenever I'm tired or feeling helpless. I love long messages because it make me feel appreciated by you, but i do not need it everyday, send it to me whenever it's appropriate and it will cheer me up. Reply me whenever i message you. i want to tell you, "baby i had a great/bad day in school! blah blah blah happened". i just need a best friend/listener/soul mate.
Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women like to be a man’s last romance
-suzywire.
do you know school wasn't really great for me today. a long way to go maybe without you.
but i just need you to be happy. smile to me, let me know that everything is worth it. Be there for me to lean on/ fall back on whenever I'm tired or feeling helpless. I love long messages because it make me feel appreciated by you, but i do not need it everyday, send it to me whenever it's appropriate and it will cheer me up. Reply me whenever i message you. i want to tell you, "baby i had a great/bad day in school! blah blah blah happened". i just need a best friend/listener/soul mate.
Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women like to be a man’s last romance
-suzywire.
do you know school wasn't really great for me today. a long way to go maybe without you.
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